confused little cynic
No one ever gives you real life lessons when you’re growing up. Nothing substantial, nothing worthwhile to help you get through the pain, loneliness, boredom, confusion and ecstasy of just living on this kooky planet.
Do you ever feel like something divine was about to happen right under your nose? Cosmic interchanges and shifts in electromagnetic charges spark and infuse the life that beats under our feet.
I gave up on religion when I realised the universe was alive. I didn’t have to imagine a marvellous figure of deity. I was uneasy about faith upon discovery of conflicting views from around the world.
At ten years old I thought the whole world was Christian. At twelve I realised nowhere was.
I remained spiritually idealistic until I visited the States, and happened to be holidaying in Florida when the twin towers attracted attention in the form of a(supposed) maniacally driven terrorist at the helm of a jet. That shouldn’t really have happened as I had cast a spell ‘blessing’ my travel. A gigantic tragedy for the Western World it was. For the first time I asked why. Aren’t we all the same? Don’t we have the same passions, loves, morals? Yes, for the main part, we do. At the expense of the shafting of a few (surprisingly large) meagre little countries, principalities, towns, races, we are free. Living in the free world.
Sometime I don’t think I ever had mental health problems. I think I just got sick of everyone else. If I had been left alone, I might have been fine. Other people, no matter how genuine their intentions, have a habit of creating a mould for you. I got stuck in so many moulds at so many different times that the casing broke. Contrary to feeling free, I was just lost. Really lost. A tiny little conscience who shouldn’t really have to think about all the other consciences until they’re ready, maybe never. I got an itinerary emailed to my brain. No study notes, just exam after exam. You get the mental picture.
And so, in being lost I gained something. Perspective.
